Loving differently

This picture in so many way sums up the personality differences of these two. H is more docile, she is an observer and a listener and likes to take in her surroundings before submerging herself. Paxton, well... this little monster is a constant blur. He is rarely ever still, always getting himself in to some sort of mischief and not worrying about the consequences (i.e. will he dive in to that pile of pillows and bounce backwards off the couch in to the coffee table? Not that day, but he was lucky!)

With having two kids it has been easy to love them both equally. However, I never really realized how different the love for them would be though. I do not love one more than the other but I do love them for the different things that they bring to my life and to our family.

My dear Harper. I love her for her sensitivity. I love that she cares for how people feel and is genuinely concerned if she thinks someone is hurt or sad or mad. I love that after she wakes up from her nap she wants to lay on my chest just for a little while and takes her time to get back in to the day and doesn't rush in to anything. I love that she really listens and learns even when we are not making an effort to teach her. I love the little mama she is and what a great helper she is as a big sister (well, when she is not being a normal sister and getting annoyed by her crazy brother.) I love how routine oriented she is. I love that she is really starting to become not just my baby but my little girl. I love that she gets so excited to get her step stool out in the evenings to help me cook dinner (my secret way to get her to actually eat). I love that she does take a while to warm up to people but once you have earned her trust she is so faithful with her love. I love that she says she already wants to be a vet so she can take care of animals. With her, the moments I cherish most are the quiet sweet ones. The ones where she will come up to me, lays her hand on my arm and tell me that she loves me and that I am a nice mama. I love how the moments with her can always bring tears to my eyes because I know I am raising a caring and smart and thoughtful little girl.

My handsome Paxton. I love him for his energy. He really turned my world upside down when he joined our family. At first I wasn't sure what to do with such a high energy child. However he has won me over with his smile, laughter and overall rambunctious ways. I love him for his slobbery kisses. I love him for the excitement he has over the little things like balloons and any food you place in front of him. I love that he thinks it is the most hilarious thing in the world when you chase him or hide behind a corner to scare him. I love that the second I walk in the room to wake him up he is so excited for the day. I love his independence yet the fact he always is making sure mama isn't too far away. I love him for his confidence and playfulness and bravery. I love how he adores his sister and wants to do everything just like her. With him, the moments I cherish most are the crazy ones filled with laughter. The ones where I can say the four words "I'm gonna get you" and the biggest grin flashes across his face as he turns around as quickly as possible to try and run away, even though his giant belly and short little steps don't allow him to be too quick and once I catch him he bursts with laughter as I tickle his ribs and his neck. He brightens up my day every day. I love how the moments with him can always bring a smile to my face because I know I am raising a confident and happy and positive little boy.

Having two kids at times can be a challenge, especially since mine are only 16 months apart. However, I would not change the way the world planned for us to be parents for anything. My kids do not make up who I am as a person, but they are a huge part of what my purpose in life is now. I love being a mom. I love being able to stay at home. Even if it means I have days where I want to cry in a corner because they are having bad days. Even when the entire family is sick but you have to find a way to get out of bed and continue on because there are little ones that need you. I love that my husband works so hard so I get the chance to soak up all the good days and even the rough days. =) I love that I have two completely different personalities that I grow to love more and more each day as they continue to learn and mold into who they are going to be as adults. I love these two littles, maybe in different ways and for the different things they bring to our lives but I love them both more than I ever thought was imaginable. Josh and I are two pretty lucky parents if I do say so myself!

I am not......

 Lately I have been down on myself because I am constantly comparing to others. I keep thinking "oh she is so much thinner than I am and she has had two kids," or "she is so much more successful with her photography business than I am" and "man she always looks so great and put together, why can't I look like that all the time."

One of my best friends and I decided for lent to stop obsessing and comparing ourselves to others and appreciate and love ourselves for exactly who we are. I have come to the realization that I am not the girl that only gains 25 pounds when I am pregnant. I gain 40. I am not the girl that in 6 weeks, 3 months or even 9 months post pregnancy am back to my "pre baby body" without having to work at it. I am also not the girl that will be claiming that I lost my baby weight just from breastfeeding and chasing my kids around the house. Nope I am not one of the lucky ones. I am not bitter towards those of you who are that way, more power to ya and you should have a million babies!

I am the one that wakes up at 5:30 every morning to get to the gym and gets in a 500 calorie burn workout to make it home by 7:00 so I can wake my kids up and start the day. I am the one that has to literally choke down smoothies with kale and spinach and other gross stuff to lose those last 10 stubborn pounds. I am also the one that now has to track my calorie intake to make sure I am not over doing it. With that being said all the hard work is starting to pay off for me. I started a fitness challenge at my gym 4 weeks ago. I typically am not a competitive person but for some reason this really got me fueled! We had our 4 week check in this past Saturday (it's an 8 week challenge) and I had dropped 5.4 lbs (putting me in the 130's which I have not seen since high school, what what!!!) and even better I have lost 6 inches so far. I was so incredibly proud of myself because along with me typically not being competitive I am also terrible about following through with things. I figured when I stepped on the scale I was going to weigh and measure the same from the beginning and then get defeated. But no!! I am making a move in the right direction!!!! Also, just because I want to brag on myself a little at this point, I had upped my plank time from 3 minutes 10 seconds to 4:00 minutes, and increased my number of sit ups, push ups and squats in a minute time frame! I mean seriously, to me, that is amazing in just 4 weeks!

So now I just have to stay committed the next four weeks to get to my goal. I am now to the point that I really want to win or place within the competition! The best part about it is that I love love love going to KOSAMA. I love the trainers, crazily enough I love the workouts (even Mary's ridiculous 90 minute class on Saturday's), and of course the friends I have made that I see every morning at 6:00am. They don't know it but they help hold me accountable and push me to work harder every day.

I may not have it as easy as some others do when it comes to looking the way I want to. But I almost think I am luckier because otherwise I wouldn't know what it feels like to eat healthy and work hard to feel really good about myself.

I hope everyone is having a fabulous start to their Monday!!!

14 Days of Love Notes

For Valentines this year I wanted to do something a little different and extra for Josh. He's been working craaaaaazy hard long days lately and has also been out of town here and there. I want him to know that I notice all his hard work and to be reminded on more than just the one day that he is oh so loved by me. We tend to go big when it comes to gifts on Christmas and birthdays but seem to focus on smaller more personal fun items on Valentines and our anniversary. That's when I thought of doing 14 Days of Valentines Notes. I saw a lot of things on Pinterest around Christmas time doing the 12 Days of Christmas but those were mostly gifts following the number of the day (one thing on the first, two things on the second, etc.) and that seemed a tad overboard since I was already going to surprise him with a ridiculously large new TV for our living room. When I started racking my brain on what to do for Valentines I thought of this! I then looked on Pinterest and there were of course a ton of ideas for this but most of them were some sort of food item every day & I am working really hard on eating healthy and know that it is not a good idea to bring in a bunch of delicious sugary treats in to our home, especially after the food coma weekend I had over the Super Bowl...yikes!

I loaded up the kids and took them to inspiration central for fun things (Target, duh!) and walked the aisles and tried to figure out what I wanted to do to present it to him so he could come home and see that he has 14 Days of awesomeness coming his way! I found the cutest little felt heart garland for like $7 and the little cellophane heart baggies in the $1 Spot (have I mentioned how much I love the One Spot? It's seriously the greatest!) Last I grabbed a 100 pack of index cards and I have a rainbow of Sharpies at home, which were actually the first gift J ever bought me. Ahhhhh thinking back to that makes my heart go pitter patter. I literally fell in love with him because he bought me Sharpies. You think I am joking but I really am not. It was not just the Sharpies themselves but the fact that he was listening to me when I mentioned a tiny thing when we were working together one day and the fact that he took the time to do something thoughtful for me randomly. Ok back on course... Harper was really excited about doing a surprise for J so she wanted to contribute. I let her pick out something at the store to give to daddy for his day 1. She picked out a chocolate calculator in the $1 spot. Hey, the kid loves chocolate and numbers. Makes sense right? On the downside we thought it was a bar of chocolate shaped like a calculator, no it was the opposite. An actual calculator that looks like chocolate. Bummer for Josh but H actually loves to play with it. So we came home, wrote out a note for him after we hung it up in our bedroom & waited for him to get home!

I write out a note every day and leave it somewhere for him to find then I add it to the garland in our room. Sometimes there is a little surprise that goes along with it but mostly just notes as to why I love him that day. I did not write out the notes in advance because I wanted to be sincere as to why during that specific day do I love him. Not only has it been fun for him to receive everyday but it has been really fun for me. It helps me really notice why he is so amazing and why I love him so very much! I think this might be something I do every year for Valentines and keep adding my notes to the packages so we can go back and see what I loved about him from the year before!

I hope all of you are planning to show your friends, family, spouses and kids how much they are loved on Valentines this year! I'm currently trying to plan out my menu for what I want to cook that night. Any fun ideas & suggestions are welcomed!!

P.S. I loooooove the fact that Harper brings home some fun art project from school every week. Check out her awesome color stamped heart below. Perfection!