the sound of laughter and the insecurities of parenting

Last night I came downstairs after putting Paxton to bed to the most wonderful sounds. Josh and Harper were on the couch and Josh kept pretending to steal Harper's nose and put it on his own. Then Harper would bury her face in his arm and try to hide until she felt confident enough to pop up and attempt to steal his. They were both laughing so hard and I just slipped into the other room to soak up the sounds.

Every night when the kids see J's car drive up or when they hear the garage door open, it's as if it is Christmas morning and they are waiting to run downstairs to see their gifts. Most often Harper yells "let's hide!!" and both kids run up into her room and dive under her bed awaiting Josh to come search for them and scare them. Then on goes at least a 30 minute wrestling match of bouncing off the bed onto Josh and rolling around on the floor and it is filled with so many smiles and laughs and endless fun.

Being the one who has the opportunity and privileged to stay home with them all day it makes my heart so happy when they flip their lids over their dad coming home. Paxton has really become obsessed with Josh lately and wants to do anything and everything with him. One really fun thing Josh does with the kids are what we have dubbed "special trips." He will take one of them out to run errands or even better up to the mall to ride the carousel. It is really invaluable one on one time that typically ends up with some sort of sugary treat =).

I feel so lucky to have not only married a man that makes me so happy and that is my best friend but someone who is honestly the best dad ever. The greatest thing about him is that he helps balance me out and grounds me when I may tend to overreact to situations.

For instance, this morning we had our very first parent teacher conference with Harper's preschool teacher. I have been SO excited for weeks about going to this. Differing from her Parents Day Out class that gives feedback daily on how it's going , I have been so curious as to how she is doing in class. She is one of the youngest and quite shy but other than that I was expecting to hear how smart she is and what a great listener and kind she is. However, I left there feeling almost upset and really down on myself as a mother. We received feedback that she was not doing well with scissors. Did I miss the memo that I was supposed to be working with her on this? I had NO clue! She has never even used a pair of scissors at the house!! Then she mentioned how quiet she was (this was not a surprise) but when I countered that with how well she speaks at home and how she has a really large vocabulary, the teacher seemed super reassured. This made me feel like they thought there was a bigger issue? Oh my gosh it was just the beginning of all the insecurities and things running through my head about what more I need to do at home! Oh and she is supposed to be able to fully put on her jacket herself. Again, I never even thought about this and always help her put it on and zip it up at home.

The overreactor in me was so thankful Josh was there to absorb the information as well and to get his opinion when we left. Do you want to know where the first place I went to after that meeting? Target, to buy some blunt edge scissors and play-doh to practice cutting. Do you know what happened when we got home and used them? She freaking cut like a champion! No issues with how to hold the scissors, we are even cutting lines across a piece of paper. BOOM! In your face Mrs. teacher! Anywho, her teacher did say that she does a good job listening and that she follows rules well when told what to do. I was just hoping for something a little more uplifting than a list of things that stressed me out.

The wonderful Josh left right after the conference to head to work but quickly sent me articles on the "opportunities" Harper had to help reassure me that she is totally normal. I am so thankful to have someone to ground me when I am being a little, ummmm....over the top? I am also thankful he has a job that allows him to join me at things like that. Otherwise the poor guy would have received a panicky phone call that would have gone something like "oh my gosh, Harper is so behind and she cant use scissors or put on her jacket when everyone else can and she is so young and her teacher basically said we need to hold her back now" and it would have all been tearful hot mess. =)

Josh, I love you. Thank your for being you and for being ours. We love you whole heartedly and basically think you hung the moon!

An extra hour

Man oh man was it awesome having an extra hour added to our day yesterday from daylight savings time! We of course woke up too early (but I also went to bed embarrassingly early for a Saturday night) and just had the best day. Actually the past week throughout yesterday have been such a blast.

Last week for Halloween we took the kids to the neighborhood elementary school for their trunk-or-treat on Tuesday night, which actually ended being a bust since everyone was out of candy after 10 minutes. The kids however still thought it was awesome to dress up and run around. Then Thursday morning Paxton and I dropped Harper off at school and then went down to the gym and waited for the preschool costume parade to begin. It was so freaking adorable. All these kids dressed up, parading around the gym and looking around excitedly to see where their family was! Then they all gathered in the center of the gym and sang Halloween songs. I could have died. It was too much for this mama and I was tearing up too quickly. I am that mom that will be crying at every play, recital, performance, and achievement that my kids experience.

That evening after J got home we went to a neighbors house and had a pre trick-or-treating gathering of many kids, many adults, and lots of good snacks! Then we went back towards our house and began the trick-or-treating just the four of us. It was SO. MUCH. FUN. After Pax received his first treat in his bag, he immediately shoved his hand down in the bag to retrieve the chocolaty delight and hold it up to have us open it. We then proceeded on to about 10 more houses to keep receiving more and more goodies. Our neighbors did a great job this year with chocolates! No gross Twizzlers or weird hard candies.

After the post candy hangover and laziness at home on Friday we decided to venture out on Saturday afternoon to get Harper a haircut. She has been a few times before to just trim her hair up as she was growing it out but this was her first official cut & style. A mom friend at her school suggested this salon called Sugar and Spice here. It was the most genius and adorable place ever. They took Power Wheels and made those the seats they get to sit in while getting their hair cut.  They also have portable DVD players at each station so they can watch Thomas the Train or Barbie Fairy movies! We decided since we were there to get Pax's hair trimmed up as well and holy smokes they both look so adorable.

We all went out for dinner afterwords at Jose Peppers and then came home to attempt to adjust to the upcoming time change and called it a night. Sunday morning like I said we were all up by like 6:30 and just hung around for the morning. I made a deeeeelicious pork butt in the slow cooker that I started in the morning. Then a quick trip to Target for a fabulous new rug for the living room which sparked my desire for cleanliness. Something about getting a new item for the house makes me want to clean and organize and change things. I washed all the couch cushions, vacuumed, dusted and reorganized all the bookshelves and prepared the house for fall color and decor. Bye bye floral summery pillows, hello burgundy & brown plaid and pine cone decor. I love the coziness of fall! Luckily I had the cleaning bug while J watched the Chiefs win yet another game. This season is proving to be kind to not only the Chiefs fans but the wives of Chiefs fans. It sure makes for a more enjoyable afternoon when they win =).

Of course with the beauty of all the leaves turning to fiery red and golden yellow in the neighborhood, it means that raking and mulching are in our schedule for the next few weekends. We spent the afternoon cleaning of the back porch while Josh mowed up the leaves in the front and back yards. We ended our evening with having a family dinner of pulled pork sandwiches and then after the kids were down to sleep we enjoyed a bottle (or maybe two) of wine with our next door neighbors. We could not have gotten any luckier with who we moved next door to. The four of us love to drink wine, eat delicious food, and laugh and way to inappropriate of jokes (mostly made by Josh and Brian).  It been such a fun growing friendship and even better, super convenient since they are only 10 steps away!

We ended the night in the best way possible by watching The Walking Dead. Doesn't get better than zombies right before sleep!

An Imaginary Grandma

We have a new member in our household lately. I am unsure of what she looks like, sounds like, or really much about her other than the fact that Harper loves her. Harper has created an imaginary friend who she calls Grandma. At first I thought she was possibly confused because we call my mom, Mimi, we call Josh's mom, Gama, and my stepmom goes by Nana. No one goes by grandma. I didn't think much of it until she kept talking about things Grandma told her, or bought her, or showed her how to do, that she was talking about someone that wasn't real to us (but very real to her).

I will admit once I put it together that Harper had an imaginary friend, I was a bit freaked out. My initial concern was why on earth would she create a grandma? She has 3 fantastic grandmas and two super awesome great grandmas. Is she sad because she doesn't see them a lot? Is she trying to tell me something? I also was worried that maybe this is a result of her being a more shy person and she feels lonely and is creating a friend? So many things have gone through my head and I was talking about it with Josh the other night and he had no concern about it whatsoever. 'She's a toddler Brenda, she is just using her imagination." Yeah yeah yeah I get that, but what if she's that weird kid that doesn't want to socialize with real kids and make friends with other kids because she feels better with an imaginary grandma? *sigh*

Of course I enlisted the help of the internet. I searched "is it normal for my toddler to have an imaginary friend?" To my excitement it is absolutely a very normal situation and often a result of children who have an active imagination, a rich vocabulary and a great capacity for independent play. About 65% of children create imaginary friends once they enter preschool. They create them as a way to start learning good from bad and to gain some control over situations. Toddlers do not have a lot of say in their lives and with an imaginary friend they have total control over them. Having an imaginary friend is a way for a child to build a sense of security or comfort with situations. "Don't be afraid of ______, its not scary at all." What I read mentions to not make a big deal about their friend yet don't contradict her and tell her that her friend is not real or is "just pretend." In due time this phase too shall pass. Being a parent and having children is so interesting and weird and always keeping me on my toes...Welcome to the family Grandma, we will embrace you and love you for as long as Harper has you around =).

Not sure if the video I posted below is going to work or not but I had to try and share it. It's Harper singing a song she made up to Josh and Paxton when they went to run an errand. I could die from her popsicle stained face singing cuteness! Happy Thursday all! I'm off to start prepping our baked Taco Thursday night dinner! Yum!

Quality Time

Yesterday morning I woke up, got the kids up and dressed and brought them downstairs for breakfast  to begin our process of getting to school on time. About 10 minutes later Josh came downstairs, not dressed in work clothes, which is rather unusual. He had been telling me for over a week that he had a surprise coming for me on Tuesday (yesterday.) I was expecting to drop the kids ofF, run a few errands, then go meet him for lunch and receive my surprise (I had no clue as to what it might be.) To my surprise, the surprise he had for me was that he had taken the day off work and we were going to be able to have an entire 5 hours to have a day date while the kids were at school. BEST. SURPRISE. EVER.

We dropped off the kids, went by the liquor store to pick up the release of Boulevards new beer flavor, a white IPA (yes we are the crazies at the liquor store at 9:00am), grabbed a quick egg sandwich at Subway, and then went over to the mall to kill some time before our movie began. The mall was so quiet and stranded and although we didn't do any shopping, it was so nice to simply walk around and talk with Josh without having one child in stroller who doesn't want to be in there and another running around while I panic to make sure she's close enough so no one can steal her (yes I have a constant fear that my children will be kidnapped, I can't help it.) We then drove over to the movies and saw Gravity in 3D. The movie was good, I wouldn't say it is something I want to watch again, however I am glad I saw it, and it successfully does a great job of getting all the emotions out of you in which it intends to. I was scared, nervous, sad, jumpy, dizzy, and joyful. Plus the special effects were amazing, definitely a better movie to see in the theater than at home.

After the movie we went over to one of our favorite restaurants and ate a lovely lunch on the patio while we soaked in the last hour of our alone time. It was truly the perfect day and I felt so incredibly special that Josh had not only planned this out just for me but that he had kept the secret for a few weeks! Great job babe, that may have been a record for longest kept secret by you! =)

Below are some pictures I took from the Louisberg Cider Mill Pumpkin Patch Festival that was going on last weekend. It was such a fun morning and our kids are finally at the age where they are both able to participate and have a blast at events like this. We fed goats, drank apple cider, picked pumpkins straight from the vine, took a hayride, and played in the children's maze & teepee area. I love fall festival weekends!!!

Be healthy, feel good, and enjoy a freaking cookie!!

I have been having a difficult time lately finding a happy food balance in my life. One day I eat perfectly clean and work out and feel great and then the next I cave and eat whatever junk I can get my hands on and then am incredibly hard on myself. I then convince my eyes and my mind that because I ate poorly my stomach grew 3 inches and that I ultimately look gross (even though my clothes still fit.)

After texting back and forth with a friend I realized that I just need to stop this. It is not healthy, it is not fun, and it is really not making me a happy person. I am not someone who can give up all foods and eat clean 24/7. As I have established before, I really do love food. It is something that I grew up with by having my family in the restaurant business and it is a part of who I am. However, that doesn't mean I need to give up and not care about what I eat either, because well, I know it can be a downward spiral.

I do really well in the morning time. I wake up, work out (most days) and then make myself a green protein smoothie. The contents change from day to day as to what is in the smoothie but 6 out of 7 mornings this is what I do for breakfast. I am not a coffee drinker but I have really become obsessed with making the homemade version of Starbucks Iced Green Tea (unsweetened). It is a perfect amount of caffeine and cold and refreshing for these nice warm mornings we have had lately. Around 9:30/10:00am I am ready for a snack. When I have healthy options on hand, I easily go for them. A handful of almonds with some raisins mixed in, any flavor of a Larabar, or even carrots with hummus. If we do not have healthy snacks on hand, I pretty much eat whatever seems quickest. It does not fail that every day around 2:00 is when the cravings begin. I just want to eat anything and honestly everything that is sweet or junky in my house. I typically have my lunch either at 12:00pm with the kids or I will wait until 1:00 and eat once they are down for naps (sometimes its just nice to eat by myself without someone nabbing half of my meal). No matter what time I have my lunch though, the craving always hits around 2:00. I have never had an addiction to cigarettes or alcohol or anything of that sort but its almost like my body or brain releases something that tells me to go and eat unhealthy foods at the same time everyday and I cannot seem to stop the craving. I have tried drinking water or more tea to tell myself I am not hungry. I have tried to just resist the urge, but most days I just cave. As I have said before the whole "just eat one bite" or "moderation is key" that is all BS to my brain.

All playdates should begin with donuts, right?!

Most nights I cook. I'd say 5 out of the 7 nights, and I typically focus on making a healthy meal. Protein with veggies, salad and baked small red potatoes, spaghetti squash, some form of tacos with whatever protein we have on hand, etc. Josh is an adventurous eater as long as onions are not involved so we try to make fun new healthy foods quite often. This week I made a "skinny" version of fettuccine alfredo with spaghetti squash as our noodles and a sauce that does not contain a stick of butter and whole milk and it was surprisingly delicious!! However, when we decide to indulge we go out with a bang. The other night we ordered the Domino's box that came with a pizza, bread sticks and cinnamon sticks. Let's just say it was freaking awesome and we will leave the details behind how much we consumed out of that box to your imaginations =).

A few things we have really changed in our diets are first off cutting out cow's milk. The kids drink either almond milk or coconut milk and that is what we add to our smoothies as well. Occasionally we will use cow's milk if a recipe calls for it and I feel as if our alternatives will not be a good substitute. We have cut back on our consumption of cheese a lot. A sprinkle on a baked potato or a sprinkle on top of a taco is about all we really do. We always do whole wheat noodles,when we actually eat noodles and not spaghetti squash. At the beginning of the week we try and grill up a few packages of chicken to add to our meals, hard boil some eggs to eat for breakfast/snacks/salads, and my favorite is when we take a medley of vegetables, chop them up, put them on a baking sheet, cover them in a tiny bit of oil/salt/pepper/seasonings and grill them. Man oh man they take on the most amazing flavor and I can add them to eggs the next day for lunch or reheat in a skillet for dinner the next night as well.

Skinny Spaghetti Squash Alfredo! DELISH

I guess what I am getting at is that I need to get to a place of consistently being happy and not being so hard on myself when I do eat poorly (like this afternoon when I may or may not have eaten almost an entire sleeve of Halloween Oreo's), or to not fret if I don't make it to the gym daily. I just want to be healthy, feel good about myself, and enjoy a freaking cookie (or five) every once in a while!! I may not be at my lowest weight I have ever been but we will just say that it is because my muscles weigh an incredible amount =).

I hope everyone is having a great short work week this week. I can't believe it is already Thursday and almost the weekend again!!!!!! Josh and I are going to our very first Sporting KC game in a suite with free food and drinks! AW-Freaking-SOME!  If anyone has any super delicious recipes you'd like to share, please do so! I am always on the lookout for new ideas! =) Happy Thursday all!

Preschool (mama) blues

Left: First day MDO 2012 Right: First day Preschool 2013

 

Harp went off to her first day of preschool today! It was a bit hectic in the morning trying to gather her things and get her all ready to get out the door to be on time at 9:00am. We had about a 30 minute debacle about what shoes to wear due to a blister on the back of her foot. Things just can't go smoothly or else it wouldn't be me we are talking about here. Finally after we tried on all her shoes, we settled on the pair that works worst with the playground mulch but best for her blister...sandals.  Thank goodness she just went until 11:30 today because if I were to pack a lunch we probably would not have ever made it there.

J was awesome enough to tell his work he would be in a little later so he could come along to drop her off (best daddy EVER!). We got to the school and were walking in & I tried to grab H's hand to hold and got rejected. *insert the beginning of my eyes welling up*. I then put her gigantic required backpack on her and watched her walk towards school all on her own. *tears were forming* Not needing my hand, not needing my guidance, just her and her backpack and a morning of parentless time.  

We arrived at her classroom and she walked right in with zero hesitation, grabbed the laminated apple with her name on it, stuck it to the velcro board, found her seat, hung up her backpack and was ready to start her school day. I was so sad and so proud all in one moment. My little girl who does not like change was ready to take on an adventure without me. It hurts a little to know that I am needed less than before. It hurts a little to spend that time away from her. However, it fills up my heart knowing how much fun she is having making friends and learning how to be independent.

One of the biggest attributes I want for her is to be an independent person. I want her to be confident and feel beautiful inside and out and to love others as much as she loves herself. I want her to be kind and accepting of all people and to speak her voice when necessary. Most of all I want her to be confident in her decisions and to know she is loved more than she will ever be able to imagine. My tears today were not only because of sadness but mostly for the happiness of knowing the person she is growing to be. 

To fill the void of not having Harper around I went and had my eyebrows waxed (instant facelift!!) and bought myself the cuuuuuutest ankle boots from good ol' Target! Seriously fall weather, HURRY UP! My leggings, jeggings, ankle boots, and oversized sweaters are practically calling my name each time I go in my closet to put on a stupid pair of shorts and tank top (I hate you shorts, I really do). After the retail therapy, we picked up Harp at 11:30. She told us all about her day of playing on the playground, coloring a horse, and meeting new kids. She had a really fun day and that makes all my sadness about being away from my bestie worth it.  I'm so proud of her and cant wait to see what all she learns this year!

Now if it will only be that easy when I start Paxton in Mothers Day Out in a few weeks. Buckets of tears will be shed my friends, he will not be okay with it. To be continued......

Harper's walk down the green mile

I don't know what has happened around here but this week is not my favorite AT ALL! It started off with a bang on Sunday with it being Harp's 3rd birthday. We had fun, we ate donuts, gave her a new bicycle, took her to a movie, played outside, and capped off the night with strawberry shortcake. Man oh man that joyfulness not continue on to the dreaded Monday and yet again this terrible Tuesday.

This morning, Harper had her 3 year checkup. Out of all the doctor appointments she has had in the span of her life, this was to be the easiest. No shots, just a simple checkup. As the infamous Doc McStuffins sings "check your ears, check your eyes, find out how much you've grown, its time for your checkup!!" Harper is one who tends to like to be prepared for things. Therefore I started talking to her yesterday about how we had to go see the doctor for her big 3 year old checkup. She was kind of weird about it & kept saying she didn't want to go. (umm hello Doc McStuffins, you're supposed to help me out with this shiz) This morning I got her up, got her dressed, fed her breakfast, got everyone else together, including myself! Whaaat? I actually had non gym clothes on, makeup done, & hair curled?! Go me!!!

We get to the doctor & things were fine at the beginning. The kids were running around playing in the Wizard of Oz themed waiting room and being silly as usual. The nurse then calls us back and we stop to weigh Harp and take her height as well (95th percentile!!!). Then we basically walked down the green mile. We got in the room and the nurse asked me to set Harp on the table so she could take her blood pressure. We have practiced taking each others blood pressure all the freaking time with the official Doc McStuffins doctor bag kit (she may or may not love her). Harper stood in the doorway & refused to walk over to the table to sit down. I then proceeded to walk up to her to pick her up and she stepped back and stiffened up to make it more difficult for me to grab her.  I then gave her 2 options. *insert mommy's stern/nice voice to be appropriate in public* 1. she can walk over there like a big girl or 2. I will pick her up and hold her while the nice nurse takes her blood pressure. She didn't budge. I proceeded to pick her up and bring her towards the nurse. This is when shit hit the fan. The nurse took Harp's arm to wrap the band around it and Harper opened her mouth and out came the loudest, most blood curdling scream I have ever heard come out of her. I stood there in shock. Surely that didn't just happen, right? My child would NEVER act this way in public. Maybe she was switched with another angry bad child on our walk to the office...right? Please tell me right!!! The nurse gave up because obviously her blood pressure would have been off the charts due to her working herself up so much.

If only I could tell you that was the end of the most traumatizing doctors visit of our lives. Then our doctor walks in. Who, mind you, has been our doctor since she was 18 months old. We've seen her a million times for both kids, been to that office a ton, nothing new, nothing changed. I was holding Harp as she checked her eyes, ears, fingers, toes, & listened to her breathing. This all went just fine until we needed to have her lay down on the table to check her stomach and look in her mouth to see her throat. I had to hold her top half down while the Dr. attempted to tame the kicking while trying to continue on the exam. Yes, I said kicking. She was flailing her feet & kicking to try and get up. OH MY GOD! Not only that but during this time she continued to bloody murder scream for TWO ENTIRE MINUTES. I was at a complete loss. Why in the world is this happening?!? Any other moms out there, please give me the peace of mind that it's not just me that this has happened to.

If you're curious how I handled the situation in discipline form I first off calmed her down and then made her go up to and apologize to the doctor and the nurse. We were planning on going to Deanna Rose with a friend for a play date and nixed that (unfortunately this was a punishment for Paxton and I as well), and last, she gets no TV time for the day. Maybe it's just this week but I am a little extra emotional and this situation has made me really annoyed/embarrased/angry/flabbergasted/and in need for an early morning mimosa. If only I had the supplies for the said mimosa. I do believe there is a Bud Light Lime in the refrigerator. I'll wait 4 more minutes until noon so it's socially acceptable =).

I hope this isn't the trend of what having a 3 year old is like. If so, she may go hang out at her Mimi's for a while. Haha just kidding, well....kind of kidding.

I hope you all are having a better Tuesday than we are around here. I am counting down the minutes until nap time so I can unwind and revamp myself with a better attitude for the afternoon.  Yay parenting!!