I'm not ready

Let me just start this by saying seriously, this whole parenting gig is a whirlwind. I think I blinked and then all of the sudden I have a toddler and a little girl! Look at Paxton running along the tennis court and both the kids independently sliding down slides, where is the need for dear ol mama in this world?!?! 

Josh said to me yesterday that he thought I loved/favored Paxton more right now. In some ways this may be a tiny bit true but I feel like in so many ways it is not. First off, Paxton is my baby and probably my last baby. At this stage of the game with him he loooooooves his mama. Yes I do tend to baby him a bit but when this bull in a china closet decides that he wants to be held or to sit down and read a book with me for a moment, I drop everything to do so. He has been a constant blur since he has become mobile. The kid is crazy. J is afraid that he is going to be a wuss because I coddle him maybe a little too much but my goodness have you taken a look at him? His baldy round head and those big beautiful brown eyes and the smile, oh the smile just makes my heart happy. He is just the funniest, stubborn, craziest kid that has me wrapped around his finger. I do love him so! 

On the other hand Harper forcing me to show Pax a little more attention by becoming a little girl and not needing me as much. She is starting to be super independent with everything possible. She dresses herself, goes to the potty by herself, is now sleeping in a BIG GIRL BED (can you hear my heart breaking just a little as I type that?). Please feel free to wipe the tears I shed as I was filling out her preschool paperwork this morning. I will have zero children when school starts back up this fall on Tuesdays and then Harp will be gone Thursday mornings. It makes me so so so so so so so so saaaaaaaad. I crazy love being around my kids and it seems like every new step and achievement they are having is a tiny little step away from me. I know I am being a little over dramatic but it's how I feel.

^^ Josh called me last week and asked if I would bring Harp up to him at work for take your daughter to work day. I kid you not when he sent me this picture I got all teary eyed. How big does she look? I would hire her any day as my coloring assistant! While she was working with J for a few hours, Pax and I decided that we would head on down to the Plaza and go by Urban Outfitters. It was a good idea for about 10 minutes until we went downstairs and P realized all the attention he got when he would climb up the million steps and slide down the million steps, over and over and over again. The associates thought he was the cutest thing, other shoppers thought it was hilarious, this kid feeds on attention. After a few hours we got to meet up with J and his new coloring assistant for some lunch. It was super fun!

^^ Baldy baby in his rockin new jeans and showing off his ginormous belly. The other day I was taking him out of the bathtub and thought to myself "he really looks like he is 9 months pregnant." The kid loves to eat. Pretty sure J fed him a hamburger he grilled last night while they were in the bathtub. I kid you not. =)

^^ On Sunday we decided to let Harp skip her afternoon nap and come out to the Royals game with us. We had our babysitter come and stay with Pax while he napped so we could give her a fun special afternoon just for her! I am not sure who has more fun at these games, Josh or Harper. When we pull up to the stadium I can see the child coming out in Josh. He gets so giddy and ready to rush in and just soaks up the entire afternoon. There are few things in life that can pry Josh out of his iphone trance of work emails, twitter, instagram, sports stuff, etc. But other than taking a few pics and videos of being at the game it's true family time while we are there. He even told me to leave my big camera at home and to just capture the day in memories. The sun was shining, the beer was flowing, we had awesome seats past 1st base and were only 1 row back so Harp really got to get into the excitement of the game. Plus it was family fun day and all the kids attractions were free!

All I have to say is that I really love the stage that my kids are at right now but I am not ready for this all to pass so quickly. Things are finally at an easier point with Pax being 16 months now (eeek 16 months TODAY!) but I am really needing to step back and take in all the moments. Harper will be 3 in just a few months, that is just too crazy for me! They still need me now, maybe not as much as before, but they do need me and I don't think I will ever be ready for when they're not.