I'm not ready

Let me just start this by saying seriously, this whole parenting gig is a whirlwind. I think I blinked and then all of the sudden I have a toddler and a little girl! Look at Paxton running along the tennis court and both the kids independently sliding down slides, where is the need for dear ol mama in this world?!?! 

Josh said to me yesterday that he thought I loved/favored Paxton more right now. In some ways this may be a tiny bit true but I feel like in so many ways it is not. First off, Paxton is my baby and probably my last baby. At this stage of the game with him he loooooooves his mama. Yes I do tend to baby him a bit but when this bull in a china closet decides that he wants to be held or to sit down and read a book with me for a moment, I drop everything to do so. He has been a constant blur since he has become mobile. The kid is crazy. J is afraid that he is going to be a wuss because I coddle him maybe a little too much but my goodness have you taken a look at him? His baldy round head and those big beautiful brown eyes and the smile, oh the smile just makes my heart happy. He is just the funniest, stubborn, craziest kid that has me wrapped around his finger. I do love him so! 

On the other hand Harper forcing me to show Pax a little more attention by becoming a little girl and not needing me as much. She is starting to be super independent with everything possible. She dresses herself, goes to the potty by herself, is now sleeping in a BIG GIRL BED (can you hear my heart breaking just a little as I type that?). Please feel free to wipe the tears I shed as I was filling out her preschool paperwork this morning. I will have zero children when school starts back up this fall on Tuesdays and then Harp will be gone Thursday mornings. It makes me so so so so so so so so saaaaaaaad. I crazy love being around my kids and it seems like every new step and achievement they are having is a tiny little step away from me. I know I am being a little over dramatic but it's how I feel.

^^ Josh called me last week and asked if I would bring Harp up to him at work for take your daughter to work day. I kid you not when he sent me this picture I got all teary eyed. How big does she look? I would hire her any day as my coloring assistant! While she was working with J for a few hours, Pax and I decided that we would head on down to the Plaza and go by Urban Outfitters. It was a good idea for about 10 minutes until we went downstairs and P realized all the attention he got when he would climb up the million steps and slide down the million steps, over and over and over again. The associates thought he was the cutest thing, other shoppers thought it was hilarious, this kid feeds on attention. After a few hours we got to meet up with J and his new coloring assistant for some lunch. It was super fun!

^^ Baldy baby in his rockin new jeans and showing off his ginormous belly. The other day I was taking him out of the bathtub and thought to myself "he really looks like he is 9 months pregnant." The kid loves to eat. Pretty sure J fed him a hamburger he grilled last night while they were in the bathtub. I kid you not. =)

^^ On Sunday we decided to let Harp skip her afternoon nap and come out to the Royals game with us. We had our babysitter come and stay with Pax while he napped so we could give her a fun special afternoon just for her! I am not sure who has more fun at these games, Josh or Harper. When we pull up to the stadium I can see the child coming out in Josh. He gets so giddy and ready to rush in and just soaks up the entire afternoon. There are few things in life that can pry Josh out of his iphone trance of work emails, twitter, instagram, sports stuff, etc. But other than taking a few pics and videos of being at the game it's true family time while we are there. He even told me to leave my big camera at home and to just capture the day in memories. The sun was shining, the beer was flowing, we had awesome seats past 1st base and were only 1 row back so Harp really got to get into the excitement of the game. Plus it was family fun day and all the kids attractions were free!

All I have to say is that I really love the stage that my kids are at right now but I am not ready for this all to pass so quickly. Things are finally at an easier point with Pax being 16 months now (eeek 16 months TODAY!) but I am really needing to step back and take in all the moments. Harper will be 3 in just a few months, that is just too crazy for me! They still need me now, maybe not as much as before, but they do need me and I don't think I will ever be ready for when they're not.

We're going to the market, the market, the market

This past weekend was the opening weekend for the Overland Park Farmer's Market! I love love love going out there to get fresh produce and see what all the vendors have to offer. To keep the kiddos confined and not running around like crazies we loaded up the wagon to tote them around. I have yet to get around to buying a double stroller and at this point it just seems too late to do so. It was a pretty chilly morning but we put on our coats and boots and headed on out.

We started out hungry so luckily enough we came upon this amazing little gem, the Weiner Wagon, before we shopped. I got their breakfast sausage which came on a fresh bun topped with bacon gravy and a fried egg. OMG it was freaking amazing. Really anything that you put a fried egg on becomes instantly awesome but this was mind blowing. So much so that I immediately devoured it before thinking to take a picture of it. However, I am pretty sure I will be back there, like in 5 days, and will stop by there again. I grabbed the kids some coffee cake muffins to eat while we shopped because apparently Paxton has the appetite of an adult male these past three days. Seriously, I cannot keep up with the amount of food he is consuming, it's mind boggling.

 With the lack of rain the vendors are about a month behind on produce. Therefore there was not a huge selection but we still brought home some really amazing items.

We came away with all locally grown produce. Romaine lettuce, a head of broccoli, a full sack of spinach, 3 cloves of garlic, 2 green bell peppers and a carton of eggs.

 ^^ This has nothing to do with anything we got at the Farmer's Market but how cute & cool is this? I chopped off the bottom of celery, put it in a coffee mug, filled with water and voila, its growing back! I change out the water every few days and its growing back. I doubt we will actually eat it but hey, it's a fun little happy peek of green life in our kitchen!

Tonight we are going to be utilizing our spinach, romaine and garlic cloves in a salad to go with some mahi mahi we grabbed at the store. My mom gave me the recipe for her homemade salad dressing that I am obsessed with!

Balsalmic Dressing

1/4 cup oil (your preference of oil)

1/4 cup balsalmic

1 smashed clove of garlic

1 tbsp honey/agave

1 tbsp mustard (I use stone ground)

Pinch of Salt

A few turns of pepper

*add it all to a jar/container and shake well. Leave the garlic clove in there and it will become more and more flavorful the longer it sits. Keep in fridge for about a week. Enjoy!!

The longer it sets in the refrigerator the yummier it gets. If you don't eat it all on salads during the week you can also use it as a marinade! You're welcome =)

 Last but not least this bread. Oh this bread is a must when we go to OPFM. I get the cheddar garlic and J picks up the cheddar jalapeno. It is so moist and flavorful and delicious! As you can see 1/2 of my loaf is already gone =).

And I had to document a picture of my refrigerator. It's so colorful and crazy clean after I took it apart and scrubbed the crap out of it this morning! Ahhhhhh clean things make me oh so happy!

therapeutic sunshine

*We worked on a little revamp of my blog this morning. Please share your comments if you have any! Very very soon I will be able to unveil my photography website that is in the works. SO exciting!* 

Finally finally finally it is getting warm enough to go outside with a light jacket and maybe, even maybe, bare a little leg to start getting a base tan. Oh this weekend has been seriously something I needed for my soul and sanity!

First off I had to start of by being a TOTAL mom and showing off Harpers first attempt at drawing people/faces. She is the circle on the left and I am the circle on the right. It was just really cool to have her do this completely on her own and to find me to tell me what she drew. #proudmommoment #yesiknowhastagsdontworkonblogs =)

 We have been playing outside, having picnics outside, doing literally anything we can outside. It is so refreshing and had brightened up all of our spirits. Seriously I totally have SADD and am depressed during wintertime.

Friday was Josh's 32nd birthday and we did everything we could to make it a special one for him! He came downstairs to a little gift from the kids and I along with a homemade breakfast of biscuits and gravy. Considering he drinks a green smoothie every morning, it was a true treat!

We then snagged him up at work and took him out to lunch to one of our favorite spots in Westport, McCoys. Not only is the food freaking amazing they have the best patio that we utilize as often as possible. Seriously, if I could eat every meal outside I would. Something about a patio makes the food taste better and the beer seem more crisp. Mmmmm. As you can see Paxton enjoyed his fair share of our meal. These pretzel breadsticks that came with a cheddar beer sauce were so good they were just wrong. 

Aaaaaand fat boy passed out 3 minutes before we arrived home. How chunky does he look here?! Love it!

After Harp woke up we came down to the kitchen and worked on baking Josh's carrot cake per his request. H was so crazy excited to help make dada'a cake. Unfortunately, I think my baking soda was expired b/c it didn't rise much at all, and for some reason it stuck to the pan. Like really really stuck to the pan. Thank goodness for making a double batch of icing because this sucker is mostly icing acting as glue to keep this bad boy together. I will never be a cake decorator but I'm okay with that. Not enough patience.  It did taste good though.

After J got home we got all dressed up and ready to go out for his birthday dinner! Yes, I am aware that his birthday was mostly focused around food but I mean, it's a great excuse to eat whatever you want for an entire day so, why not? Anna and Dustin were so awesome to get a babysitter and join us along with Slim! We went out to YaYa's in Leawood and had such a fun time. Lots of wine, even more food, and some serious laughter. We may or may not have had a lot of inappropriate conversations way too loud, but who cares!  Did I mention that we sat on the patio there too. Oh yeah, it was perfect!

Josh, Slim and I went out to a few bars afterwords to cap of the night. By this point both the boys had their fair share of birthday beverages and it was time to go. We are a wild and crazy gang that stayed out until 11:00pm!

Saturday I woke up feeling like a million bucks unlike the birthday boy. He spent the majority of the day "sleeping it off" and taking it easy while I was uber motivated to bust out Harp's trampoline. She had received for Christmas and I wanted to build the bad boy so we have another tool to tire them out for naps and more excuses to be outside! After I put the kids down, I tackled the building of their trampoline. It was crazy therapeutic being outside, listening to a little Bruno Mars on pandora in one ear, and hearing the birds chirping in the other. I spent all of nap time slowly putting it together and felt a huge sense of accomplishment. I absolutely love building things. Any new piece of furniture, any kid toys, you name it I always take over the projects (which is a-ok with Josh because he doesn't really have the patience for it anyway). As I tied the last of the security string to the mesh netting I looked on the monitor to check on the kids and saw that Harp was awake!  I kid you not I ran up the stairs like I was 5 years old, grabbed her and brought her out to show her my achievement! I totally took all the credit for this one and kept reminding her "what mama built for her!" She typically takes time to adjust to new things but man she just ran right in there and started jumping away. I got in there with her and just laid down and soaked up all her happiness and the sunshine.

J then ran to the store with Paxton and grabbed us some food to grill out and my all time favorite summer time beer, Bud Light Lime. I have already come to terms that I might be a few pounds heavier this summer because of my love for BLL and chilled white wine on warm days. As I type this blog I will admit I am drinking a Bud Light Lime with my salad for lunch. The calories balance each other out, right??

We ended our Saturday by celebrating Slim's actual birthday by eating cheesecake with a strawberry sauce I had made and watching some SNL. It might have been the most delicious dessert I have ever made, besides Snickerdoodle Blondies of course.

Happy Sunday everyone! We are being super lazy and awesome around here and resting up before we take the kids to the Royals Home Opener tomorrow! Ahhh Paxton's first baseball game. Its going to be AMAZING!!

32 reasons I am glad Josh was born.

Why I am thankful you were born JP...

1.  I'm going to start this all superficial but basically because you're nice to look at! =) I think you are so handsome and love that you continue to get cuter and cuter every year. NOT FAIR!
2. You're so witty. Sometimes I know that I ignore your humor because it can be crude or in bad taste but overall your wit amazes me. You really did miss your calling as a comedian
3. Your ability to teach me new things every day. Basically you're smart. Like way smarter than me when it comes to book stuff and I love learning new things from you
4. The fact that I can literally only be mad at you for like a minute. You have the ability to make me laugh/smile even when I may not want to! 
5. That you always always push me to do things I may not think I want to or can do. I really need that in my life and I appreciate your trust that I can do more.
6. Your sense of adventure. I love all the fun trips and outings and events you bring to our lives. 
7. Your eyelashes. I love that you passed on those beauts on to our kiddos too. Not fair to me but they sure compliment your amazing green eyes! 
8. Your style. You always look so cute and put together without my help
9. Your breakfast making. You're quite good at french toast my love, maybe we can put those skills to use this weekend =).
10. Your thoughtfulness and consideration. You always know when I need a little extra TLC even without me saying so 
11. Your love of popcorn. No explanation needed
12. That you love my family as much as I do. 
13. For being an amazing father to our two crazy kids. I couldn't have asked for a better partner to parent with
14. For still, to this day, making me a clumsier person that I ever thought I was because I still get nervous around you! Kicking over telephones, spilling salad dressing at restaurants, whatever it is I get all school girl clumsy around you! 
15. For the fact that I still get giddy when I see that you are calling or texting me and even more so when you've sent me an email!! 
16. Because I would have never known my love for deviled eggs if I had not met you
17. For the fact that you make me feel special and loved every day
18. Because you justify buying baby Pumas for Paxton (that I never could have done) knowing that I would be head over heels in love with how freaking adorable they are on his chubby feet!
19. Because you find it equally funny when we hide behind corners to scare the kids
20. That you accept me for all the strange quirks I have and embrace it
21. That you have the yummiest lips ever
22. Because I fell in love with you over a package of sharpies
23. Your amazing ability to recall every sporting event and date at any moment. Your photographic memory is simply crazy
24. You have helped me break out of my bubble and move to places I never thought I would move to! 
25. The way you get jealous when I am obsessed with a book and don't pay enough attention to you
26. Because you're a lover of good food and make going out to eat an adventure
27. Because I love your family
28. The fact that you grocery shop with me
29. The fact that you can find a way to justify spending money on crazy things that you can always find a way to talk me in to as well.
30. For your dancing skills. Always gets me laughing
31. For the amazing friendships you create and the wonderful people you have brought into my life
32. And last and certainly most important: because whatever our souls are made of, yours and mine are the same.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY and I love you so very much Joshua Pluid. I am so lucky to have you in my life forever and I hope you have felt a little extra special today. We think you're the BEST!!! 

yesterday i felt weird.

In case you do not feel the need to read this entire post I want to get the point across that It's okay to have an off day. It's okay to not want to be your normal self. It's okay to maybe not have the patience you typically do. It's okay to allow your spouse or partner to help you out and to still love you when you're weird. It's okay to accept assistance with your daily life. It's okay to be a different part of you that you normally are not, even if it is not the way you planned it to be.  It's okay to be vulnerable and let down walls. It's ok!!!!!

Today is a good day. It is our first day back in to our normalcy after being out of town since last Thursday. I went to the gym for the first time in a week (that in itself is therapy for me) We went up to Harper's school/church for a much needed mom's group chat about nothing in particular while the children were watched down the hall by the lovely grandmas. After that we went to Chick-Fil-A and let the kids run around in the play place and then came straight home for naps. I watched awesome trashy reality TV while texing one of my BFF's about how rude or bitchy or awesome some of the Real Housewives are.

We went to Oklahoma twice in March and had so so so much fun but I (and the kids) have had a really difficult time adjusting when we got home. I had a very "off" day yesterday. Not one thing in particular was wrong and I wanted it to be the perfect day since it was J's last day before he went back to work. Harper had school so it was just going to be the three of us. I honestly do not think we have ever had a day to spend with Paxton only. I decided to sleep in (by "in" I mean until 7:00 instead of 5:30) and skip the gym. Josh as not feeling well so he was up since 5:00am and therefore I was off and on awake since then too. I have this weird thing where I cannot really sleep once he is awake, I have no clue why, I wish I were not that way because it is annoying!!

Any who, from the beginning of the day I felt like I was in a funk. I was having my anxious breathing issues where I cannot get enough breath in my lungs and simply did not feel my usual chipper self. Even worse I was SO irritated with the kids for the tiniest things. I feel absolutely awful when I get that way because they do not understand yet that sometimes you just have a bad day and really want to be left alone. Actually I think they pick up on the vibe and think they need to be around me more to help the issue....it does not help. I dropped off Harper at school while Pax and J stayed back at the house. On my way to dropping her off Josh had text me that he thought Paxton wasn't feeling very good and that he was going to give him some ibuprofen. The teething monster has made his presence lately with the giant one year molars which has caused my smiley happy guy to turn into a whiny, drooley, needy, sad baby.

We ran some errands, just the three of us, and then decided we should grab some lunch at On the Boarder. Now let me tell you that On the Border is really not all that great but it is the one and only Mexican restaurant I have found here that give you a proper mexican beer. What I mean is they give you a Dos Equis Amber in the humongous fishbowl glass with a salted rim and a lime. They don't manage to line the rim with the lime pulp as Ted's does in Oklahoma but its the closest things I can find to being remotely perfect. We sit down, order our food, and then for the first time in my 2.5 years of being a mom we had to flag down the server and have her pack up our food to go because Pax had a meltdown. Normally I handle these situations pretty well with my patience (however I will admit I typically always get nervous, sweaty and can feel the judgy eyes on me of those without children) Teething, tiredness, simply being a jerk...not sure what it was but man oh man he was crying, wiggling, throwing anything that was given to him and did not want to be there. I tried giving him food which ALWAYS quiets him up but he wouldn't have any of it! I even sat in the back of the car trying to console him all the way home because he was crying so hard! It was heartbreaking!!!!

We finally made it home and got a little lunch in Pax, calmed him down and put him to bed around 12:20. I sat down and ate a quesadilla or two and then passed out. Josh was so sweet and let me stay home and nap while he finished up our grocery shopping and picked up Harper from school. When they came home he surprised me with some beautiful red tulips (ahhhh tulips are just the most wonderful flower around) and a banana split from Sonic!!! You wanna talk about a turn on, oh yeah  flowers just because, ice cream, maybe fold a few clothes and it's on! Haha....but no, really! =)

We ended our day with a walk with the kids plus dogs to the park and just ran free. It was so wonderful. We then headed to DSW and did a little retail therapy and ended our night with cuddles and falling asleep early on the couch and had the best night of rest that I have gotten.

On a day where I really was not feeling myself, Josh helped me feel really special. It's those little things in marriage that help you realize how lucky you are to have the one you're with. The one that tells you It's ok to have an off day and that they love you more than ever. I am lucky =).