the sound of laughter and the insecurities of parenting

Last night I came downstairs after putting Paxton to bed to the most wonderful sounds. Josh and Harper were on the couch and Josh kept pretending to steal Harper's nose and put it on his own. Then Harper would bury her face in his arm and try to hide until she felt confident enough to pop up and attempt to steal his. They were both laughing so hard and I just slipped into the other room to soak up the sounds.

Every night when the kids see J's car drive up or when they hear the garage door open, it's as if it is Christmas morning and they are waiting to run downstairs to see their gifts. Most often Harper yells "let's hide!!" and both kids run up into her room and dive under her bed awaiting Josh to come search for them and scare them. Then on goes at least a 30 minute wrestling match of bouncing off the bed onto Josh and rolling around on the floor and it is filled with so many smiles and laughs and endless fun.

Being the one who has the opportunity and privileged to stay home with them all day it makes my heart so happy when they flip their lids over their dad coming home. Paxton has really become obsessed with Josh lately and wants to do anything and everything with him. One really fun thing Josh does with the kids are what we have dubbed "special trips." He will take one of them out to run errands or even better up to the mall to ride the carousel. It is really invaluable one on one time that typically ends up with some sort of sugary treat =).

I feel so lucky to have not only married a man that makes me so happy and that is my best friend but someone who is honestly the best dad ever. The greatest thing about him is that he helps balance me out and grounds me when I may tend to overreact to situations.

For instance, this morning we had our very first parent teacher conference with Harper's preschool teacher. I have been SO excited for weeks about going to this. Differing from her Parents Day Out class that gives feedback daily on how it's going , I have been so curious as to how she is doing in class. She is one of the youngest and quite shy but other than that I was expecting to hear how smart she is and what a great listener and kind she is. However, I left there feeling almost upset and really down on myself as a mother. We received feedback that she was not doing well with scissors. Did I miss the memo that I was supposed to be working with her on this? I had NO clue! She has never even used a pair of scissors at the house!! Then she mentioned how quiet she was (this was not a surprise) but when I countered that with how well she speaks at home and how she has a really large vocabulary, the teacher seemed super reassured. This made me feel like they thought there was a bigger issue? Oh my gosh it was just the beginning of all the insecurities and things running through my head about what more I need to do at home! Oh and she is supposed to be able to fully put on her jacket herself. Again, I never even thought about this and always help her put it on and zip it up at home.

The overreactor in me was so thankful Josh was there to absorb the information as well and to get his opinion when we left. Do you want to know where the first place I went to after that meeting? Target, to buy some blunt edge scissors and play-doh to practice cutting. Do you know what happened when we got home and used them? She freaking cut like a champion! No issues with how to hold the scissors, we are even cutting lines across a piece of paper. BOOM! In your face Mrs. teacher! Anywho, her teacher did say that she does a good job listening and that she follows rules well when told what to do. I was just hoping for something a little more uplifting than a list of things that stressed me out.

The wonderful Josh left right after the conference to head to work but quickly sent me articles on the "opportunities" Harper had to help reassure me that she is totally normal. I am so thankful to have someone to ground me when I am being a little, ummmm....over the top? I am also thankful he has a job that allows him to join me at things like that. Otherwise the poor guy would have received a panicky phone call that would have gone something like "oh my gosh, Harper is so behind and she cant use scissors or put on her jacket when everyone else can and she is so young and her teacher basically said we need to hold her back now" and it would have all been tearful hot mess. =)

Josh, I love you. Thank your for being you and for being ours. We love you whole heartedly and basically think you hung the moon!